previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I don't think I'm ever not going to be mad at you, but I think that, um, us fighting likely isn't helping our situation.
Please don't cut my bird.
Okay, yeah, no, I wasn't gonna.
Axe swings down over the chains and they snap free.
Is this Axe Hoop now, Russ? Is it garbage?
Every hit is taking another chunk out of it, as it appears to you.
Get.
Nighthunter, you're standing in this void space.
The bars around you, every time you try to move towards them, feel like you're never getting close to them, to grab them.
Well, I mean, I could ask, but then I would not be with you, so...
Oh, no, come on, remember our vows.
I'm always with you in your heart, so, I mean, wherever you go, I'm gonna be there, so don't worry about that.
Yeah, but when we make these vows, one of us did not get sucked into abyss.
Oh, that was not normal. That was...
Yeah, that was...
I don't taste good.
Well, I don't. No, that was not...
What if, how about we just save the world real quick and then stop coming back here?
Save the world and leave forever?
You push it open and step out into the hall.
There's a long hallway, either side of you, and down at the end, off to your right, as you step out, is a cracked open door.
A little bit of light, looks like from a lantern or a torch, um, peering through.
The three of you step out, and Grants just kind of tucks his book into his sidebag, and...
This night hunter is in here somewhere.
I saw her.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
He, him, also with me today is Karla Maxtad.
That's me, she, her, playing Lipsinkie, Pip Diggins.
And Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me, he, him, I am playing Bort, slash Flint, they both go with he, him, as well.
And Kyle Klassitz here, hey, he, him, glad to be playing Vorunax, also he, him.
And...
Amy More.
Yep, she, her, playing Thea Amastasia, she, her, and Gael Nighthunter, Ogla Kanu.
She, they.
We are...
Yeah, all over the map, we're all over the map.
We are, and nowhere.
Everywhere and nowhere, we split the party so many different ways, bringing it back
together now, uh, where we keep the party together all the time is over on Patreon,
Patreon.com slash dumpdragoncast, because we can't live without each other.
Uh, Opal can't, Opal can't be...
No, I can't have multiple groups happening within the same adventure, are you crazy?
Well, there must be constant supervision.
When he is alone, he like creates a whole issue with...
Yeah, the, the birthday episode.
I don't want to spoil anything, but he really, he cannot be trusted on his own.
Yeah.
Also, there's some very questionable labor practices.
Absolutely.
Have we told you about the intern wall, Kyle?
I mean, you come over, you can...
The intern memorial wall.
That's the important, the memorial is an important word in there.
It's bad, scary over there.
Opal's very keen on having unpaid interns, obviously, because it helps the business,
you know, uh, but it's a very difficult, uh, industry out there, adventuring, that
is, and so interns go missing.
Thus, the intern memorial wall, where, you know, any other job, interns aren't going
to be memorialized after they leave.
No, this is a favor we're doing to them here at the downtown office.
Is this Russ talking or Opal talking?
He turned right into Opal, like, there wasn't even a...
As curator of the, of the intern wall, we all remember intern 003, one of the first.
067, everyone should remember 067, they were a good intern.
Yeah, absolutely.
There we go.
They are all numbers.
What do you mean?
What's a museum guide called?
There's like a proper name for it.
A docent.
There we go.
Yep.
As in, I docent remember their names, but I do remember their numbers.
So Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You come over and you learn all about the intern Memorial wall.
It's really just, is what it is more than anything.
But you also get an episode dedicated to you blowing right by that.
Emma KB, like Emma KB.
Thank you, Emma.
Thanks, Emma.
It was just an awkward way I got into that sentence, but instead
you got your name screamed twice.
Twice.
Yeah.
That's how special you are to us, Emma.
For Emma's sake, can you tell me how many pages of paper you have available
and how quickly we're all going to be killed because the book's almost done.
I said we were on the last nine page last time.
So we're on the last blank white page.
So there's a double side to it.
So we have technically one, two and a half and two thirds.
Clear space.
Emma, don't worry.
Your episode is not worth it.
We might even save the world.
Boy, how it could be anybody's game is what it could be.
Clearly, if there's blank pages, then there isn't an ending written.
So it could be anybody saving the world.
The rest is still unwritten.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Just like Emma KB.
And now.
Bucket, let's play.
OK, all right.
Blaring red light.
No blaring horn, bright red light.
Blaring red light, damn it.
Blaring red light.
That red light is so loud.
Sometimes when lights are red.
Lights can be loud.
Yeah, lights can be loud.
The bright red light.
Illuminates the entire space.
Echoing over this horn, the screeching sound.
Thea, you were moving to put your hand beyond to see if you could see
anything additional outside of the spot.
Hold question.
This is what we were.
No, no, I know.
But the way that you worded it makes makes me feel like I possibly
misunderstood the red light.
You can't see.
You can't see bad thing outside.
OK, Roxanne.
Does it just like encompasses your vision?
So where is black?
Now is red.
Now it's red.
OK, I was kind of imagining like off in the distance, like a red light.
You know, like, you know, like a like a recording on the fuck off
the stage, because you've done your five minutes to stand up.
Yes.
OK, so it's not like that.
It's actually like a red wash that comes.
Yeah.
OK, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Say OK.
As you were moving to put your hand outside of the spotlight.
Fingertips, let us say.
I'm not going to go whole heart.
Look, look, you guys have been standing there for an entire episode.
Well, that's a whole other body part.
Yeah.
It's already tried that.
OK, he's put every piece of it there.
He's got a cloaca.
It's weird. OK.
It's efficient, though.
I mean, right?
Get the job done.
Multiple jobs.
And as I go to put my hand.
Yes.
As you do, you see an outline of your hand.
Beyond this red light and you feel something grab you
and give you a firm handshake, welcoming you to the team.
Do we do a secret handshake?
Is it is it a grab or is it like or is it like?
There's some snaps like a like a wrist grab.
Like, yeah, I don't have any weapons on me.
You don't have any weapons on you.
It is not like a predator grab Arnold Schwarzenegger and.
OK, yeah.
That the other person that he arm grabs Jesse Ventura.
Yeah, yeah.
Jesse Ventura. Yep.
Jesse, the former governor.
Just as soon as I feel something grab hold of me,
I want to like with all my very slight
elf self, I want to like like like rip it into the light.
It's doing the same thing to you.
Oh, you're in a tug of war
with this thing that now you feel nails digging into your forearm.
Oh, I want to dig my nails into its forearm.
Its nails are growing through your skin and through your arm.
So I am going to cast alter self on myself
and I'm going to shape change to those freaky
ass long claws that I see lip sinky doing when she goes all primal wild.
And I want to sink my closet.
I'm not fucking around here.
I yell that I'm not fucking around here.
And I want to grab and I say, Bort, come on, help do do something.
Now we can see an outline of her hand.
Can I see the outline of like the other hand in the arm, maybe?
Yeah, the light for all intents and purposes, where as it was flashing,
the horn would go and then everything would go off.
Everything is maintaining itself and it is staying on a lot longer than previous.
You can see this shadowy figure
holding on to Thea's wrist and these these long nails
jagged, like rough nails digging beneath the skin.
And there's like this slickness that is now becoming clearer
as the spotlight is.
Narrowing around you.
I mean, I'm going to just grab that axe.
That's still somewhat functional and chop off the arm
after where she's hanging out.
I thought you're going to grab that ass.
I'm going to grab that ass, grab that ass, get a grab by your butt.
And just like, yeah, just pull that, pull that back in.
Today's episode sponsored by the HR department.
It exists again.
It's rough.
Give me an attack roll.
It's an 18 plus 14.
So that's a 32.
The axe swings down
and it's like it's cutting through this light before you
and it cleaves through the arm on the other side.
And Thea, you're you're tugging back on this
and you fall backwards now with this forearm attached to the hand
that is dug into you.
It goes like rigamortis quickly sets in
and it is clamped down hard around your hand.
And you're the color of your skin is going purple and blue
that you see as it pulls back.
Spotlight is narrowing down around you.
I think we're going to have a problem if this goes out.
Yeah, yeah, we. Yeah.
Does that seem right?
This fucking hurts.
I want to. Like.
They'll try to like pry this thing off of me if I can.
All right, you're trying to pull at the fingers or just pull the whole thing.
Oh, God, no, the finger.
Well, yeah, we'll pull at the fingers to like,
see if we can loosen that up before we pull the whole thing.
Trying to pry back the fingers and the flesh around them is ripping.
Like it's like it's like serrated knives
carved back away towards whatever creature this was.
And they're pulling the skin and tendons around them
and make a constitution saving throw, please.
Yes, you, the affected one.
Ten.
Thea, you see these nails coming out of your arm
and they are pulling and tearing at the tendons and ligaments beneath
and you see your hand go limp.
Oh, that's not good. That's not good.
Don't pull. Don't pull anymore.
Don't like shriveling into like this dark black
Paul. I've got Dumbledore hands.
We cut to the hallway in the jail cells and.
Lipsinki and Vorunax and Grancis,
you've been walking for what seems like forever.
Looking into each cell and seeing a new Grancis
or an old Grancis in some new state of disrepair.
And over the last minute or so,
there's a rumbling in the earth, in the ground beneath you.
That's starting to pick up intensive.
Do you you recognize that?
I don't I don't think I remember hearing that in here before.
Not that I recall, but of course, if we were doing a good job,
then a certain somebody probably wasn't too angry.
Is there a way?
Can we get all these Grancis working for us
finding Nighthunter?
Because I feel like, you know, that's just the three of us
kind of looking right now.
And right.
We have like kind of an unlimited number of Grancis.
So you could tap into the Grancis network.
Grancis, are you fucking with me or is that possible?
We all said hello at the same time one one time ago.
Give me a moment.
And he he opens his book.
It's not on any page. In fact, it's upside down
and it sits down on the floor and closes his eyes.
Grancis, can you hear me?
All of them around them
echoing down, not all of them, because most of them are dead.
But you hear from different spots.
We hear you.
I got them wrapped around my finger.
That's fantastic, Grancis.
You know what?
I'm going to belabor upon you for the next 10 minutes
how important you are to us right now.
And you are just going to feel so inspired by the end of it
that you're going to feel a little bit more healthy
and definitely able to corral all the other Grancises together behind your cause.
Because Grancis, I don't know if you realize this.
Out of all the Grancises here, Grandsai.
That's the plural.
Who's got the book?
I got the book.
So what does that make you?
The book. The Prime Grancis.
You've got the book.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, we got it.
So you need to let those other Grancises know
that they need to tell you where your friend Nighthunter is.
OK. Grancises unite.
There you go.
That's the one.
And they all yell.
No, I don't want them to fucking marine it.
That would be fucking too much.
Hoorah!
Is what they scream out, because that's more character.
That is what they yell out.
Hoorah!
We need to find Nighthunter.
And then you hear calling out from down the hall.
This is going to be fun for Russ later.
She's down here. Over here.
No, she's over here. Up here.
Oh, I found her up here.
I don't think that worked.
Huh.
Yeah, unless there's a multiple Nighthunters here,
and I don't think we were going that long.
So, shoot, I thought that might help.
I guess we just keep doing it the old-fashioned way,
and just going and...
Is there a way to turn off the cells?
Like, whatever's killing the Grancises, Grants Eye,
whatever's killing the Grants Eye,
and tormenting us in here,
is there a way to turn that off?
Because that could be what is...
Like, that door ain't getting closer.
And we've been walking for a long time.
Right, right, right.
I mean, everything has been kind of set up on automation.
I wasn't around when it was first initiated,
and there's a lot of more arcanic means
that are involved in it from what I've been told.
Who made it?
Well, again, it precedes my time,
but Lipsynche, you seem to be more in touch
with the arcane than myself.
Did you ever come across anything in your time serving,
in the future, current, present, past?
Yeah, I mean, number one, that is how we have to describe
anything related to time right now, I feel like.
Um, okay, there's gotta be a way to remotely,
you know, open and close things.
It wouldn't...
It can't just be manual, because this place is enormous,
and certainly when we were torturing people,
we weren't just walking way down a hall
and picking them up and taking them back, you know?
There was like, that's not how it worked.
You got the key, is there a lever?
Like a pulley system, or a switch?
Yeah.
Um, I, you know, I've never thought to try to just kind of
go from door to door, but uh, and Vorunax just goes over
to a wall, takes the spoon, and just sticks it
in the fleshy wall of the prison,
it's like, maybe that jiggles it around.
I don't, I don't know.
It's good, gotta go a little bit deeper, maybe.
I push deeper.
Oh, that sounds...
Wait, I thought I heard a click.
I didn't, I didn't hear a click, Grancis.
Oh, okay, no, remember how, I keep saying remember,
you don't remember, you weren't there,
but in the future, there was like a torture room,
and then the prisoner would be brought there,
but not manually, you know,
like they just kind of like were poured it in.
It was much more efficient than, you know,
having a guard bring somebody, I mean, that's, you know,
Orcus kind of lacks efficiencies,
and so in the torture room,
I mean, Night Hunter is in the torture room,
but I feel like if we go there,
then we can just bring the folks from the cells in,
and then...
Actually, yeah, it's kind of like a, you know,
voice command sort of thing, like,
oh, summon Grancis 6489572 B,
or we could just go say,
pour it in, not Grancis.
Exactly.
From this cell block.
Yeah.
That's exactly what we want.
You know, bring all the not Grancises,
every single last one of them,
there's probably a lot. But this is the Grancis floor.
It's not just Grancises in here,
so it's probably a lot of folks who could come help.
I mean, we're kind of in the Grancis wing.
I guess, maybe you didn't know that, I mean,
you wouldn't have been spending time walking around,
but this whole section,
this is all you.
A lot of effort.
I mean, you're very powerful, as we mentioned.
So there is other floors of the prison,
you know, all sorts of creatures.
So what's the quickest way there?
We got to get back in the cell?
No.
No, Grancis, it seems to be a default for you,
but no, no, just this way.
Let's book it.
Grancis with a book, yes.
I go through my keys and I pull out a spork,
because that's the best torture tool.
I've seen that one before.
And, oh, yes, yes.
It's the one that'll open the end of your life.
Stick it into the wall, turn the key, spork.
Got me scared there.
I was standing right beside it,
right as you said that.
Gave me flashbacks.
All right.
You throw the spork into the wall
and you do hear a click this time.
And you are instantly right beside the door.
That you've been trying to walk towards.
Perfect, perfect.
Here we are, through this door,
and hopefully we can get Nighthunter back
and reconvene with the rest of the peoples
we accidentally left behind.
Yes, this is a perfect plan.
It was an accident. It was an accident, Grancis.
I mean.
We did not run away.
The three of you exit through the door
and we cut back to the red light.
Thea, your hand is completely shriveled up to your elbow.
Does it seem like the shriveling is continuing
or is it maintaining in the forearm area?
Seems like it's
maintaining in the forearm area.
Okay, well this sucks.
Are these ground floor creatures,
do we think they're flying?
Should we get on Guacamole and like, I don't know,
try to fly our way out of here?
Yeah, let's do that one.
So we're gonna hop on Guacamole
and try to fly.
This light's coming from somewhere.
Yeah, it's coming from straight up.
Are you flying straight up towards the light
or are you, where are you going?
Oh, I think straight up towards the light.
All right.
Yeah, let's go towards that light.
Awesome, you hop on Guacamole
and you are flying up and the beam is narrowing.
It's now like 15 feet across and getting closer and closer.
Guacamole's wings are flapping
and you're getting closer to this light.
It's blinding above you.
Beyond the periphery,
you see these giant winged beasts soaring in the air,
zipping close to but not touching the light itself.
It's like 10 feet across now
and you see down to the ground
that there is like masses of undead
that sprawl out across whatever this space is
that you are in.
And you get up and this light is blinding above you
and you reach up towards the light
and you grasp hold of what feels like firm ground
and Guacamole disappears.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Not again.
Both of you can do it.
17. 18.
Bort, you reach up and grab hold of the ground above you
as Guacamole disappears.
You see Thea reach down for her
but not grasp hold of the ground.
You reach down and grab hold of her withered hand
that you feel crunch beneath your fist.
You're holding it tight and she looks back up at you
and she's got the Jade figurine in her hand
as you pull yourself and Thea up into the hallway
where you fell down.
You pull yourself up and are clamoring to get Thea up
as the hole around you kind of just sinks shut
as she is pulled back through.
There's a cracked open door behind you
and you hear footsteps coming from beyond it.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
Yeah, let's not go back down there again.
No, no.
And I kind of squeeze Guacamole's figurine
and tuck her in one of my inside pockets.
Footsteps beyond the door beside you.
I prepare a spell.
I prepare Eldritch Blast.
If I see an unfamiliar face, I'm gonna fucking fuck it up.
Fucking fuck it up.
Yes.
Fuck it up.
That's what I wanted.
I'm gonna pop some popcorn
to watch this fucking up that's coming up.
They're getting closer to the door
and it swings open and you see the face of Grancis.
And I have to wait, like, I have to be like, no.
Not today.
Oh shit, it's Thea.
Hey everybody, it's Thea.
I got my crackle away.
Hey, you were gonna blast me in the face.
If it wasn't you.
Good thing it was me.
Good thing.
Yeah, she would have got you, Lipsinki.
Where you been?
Nah, that doesn't matter.
We'll catch up later.
We gotta find Nighthunter.
Vorunax knows the way, or Lipsinki knows the way.
Somebody knows the way.
Did Nighthunter not just hack her way
out of the prison like what?
Well, no, she went in of their own volition
and when I did see them, I saw them through the bars
and they were talking to someone that wasn't there.
Oh, that's not a good sign.
Not a good sign.
They seem to be having a rough time,
but we think that we can call them
to the torture chamber.
Right, everybody?
Yeah, so if we all just wanna,
if you guys just wanna come in the torture chamber.
I mean, not.
Okay, I know how that sounds.
Yes, it wasn't great.
I hear it coming out and I know we don't,
we have had a short relationship of trust,
but in the torture chamber,
you can summon any of the prisoners
and if Nighthunter's a prisoner,
we could summon them.
Also, there's like an unlimited number of Grancis.
So if you need any Grancis for anything,
we have like.
Shake and bake, baby.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know.
But okay.
Also, sorry for abandoning you with Orcus.
Just wanna, we're on the move, by the way,
as we're doing this, I assume.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, sorry for abandoning you back there with Orcus.
Oh, I mean, I'm sorry for abandoning you
and going back up to like get healed
and see my friends and family.
I mean. Yes, no, yes.
Yeah, I mean, we came right back though.
As soon as possible.
What happened to your arm?
We had to.
Well, it costs for everything
whenever you're on the path of good.
I hold up my shriveled arm
that still has the clawed hand in it.
Oh.
We didn't end up getting that out.
You pulled it out.
Well, I guess you tell me
because it was like pulling tendons and grossness.
Yeah, no, I said out.
No, stop that.
Okay.
Yeah, okay. I did.
So I have like half a hand attached to my arm, I guess.
Oh.
Okay, I mean.
Wow.
Let's find Nighthunter.
Yeah, let's get Nighthunter.
And then what happened?
Did you guys get caught or why are you in the prison?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, we got caught.
It sucked into, I don't know.
Yeah, it wasn't our finest moment.
Yeah, filled with terrible creatures in the dark.
Good old quicksand holes.
Yeah, and when you go through
there was probably like a bajillion undead
and like all kinds of stuff
and they're all just flying around and do you see that?
Well, at the end.
I mean, we can't really see it
but we knew it was there.
Right.
That's the best part.
Yeah, I forgot.
Cause when you're, yeah, you didn't even.
Breathe through the room guys.
I'm sorry.
It's not funny.
Not, yeah, no, I apologize.
You round a corner and there are two guards
standing outside the torture chamber.
They see you and they say,
halt, who goes there?
Voronox, head general.
Yes, of course, Mr. Voronox.
Yes, a head, oh yeah, you're doing,
you're in good.
They sent out a memo about you.
Come right this way.
You're in charge.
Of course you are.
Come on in.
The water is fine.
You realize if you turn on me
I can still murder you mercilessly.
Right, you understand you're just a guard.
Even if you know what I've done,
you're still just a guard.
I've got a name.
Oh yeah, I don't know it.
It's Sammy.
And I've got, I've got, I've got a family too.
I've just, I'm just here working, trying to.
Okay, I mean, Sammy, nobody cares.
We're going in.
Get out of the way, Sammy.
I'll go tell Orcus, it's fine.
You go in, you do what you gotta do.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're not gonna tell Orcus.
You go tell Orcus, you let his ex head general
right into the torture chamber
and see how that works out for you.
Could you just kill me already?
See how Eldritch blasts him.
Guys, could Sammy have been any worse?
Sammy was the worst.
Well, I mean, what's he gonna go tell Orcus?
Orcus ain't in a good mood right now, guys.
Let me tell you something.
There was another guard there, right?
Make a Sammy out of Sammy.
So you can either like sit here and be good
and chill or I can blast your ass.
Yeah, I don't see anything.
No, no, I'm just, I was on a break.
You were on a break.
What's your name?
I was on a break.
It doesn't matter.
You're on a break.
Get out of here.
I'd rather not say.
On a break.
Tell my family I love them.
It's an order.
Go.
Okay, now that that's taken care of,
door open.
Some people say that we are in the middle.
Some people don't know what time is.
That's why we're here and we talk about the things
that are important to us and you.
Whoa.
I, no, I was, no, I was just waiting.
I wanted to know how far you could go with this.
Yeah, well, I was.
It was really far.
Yeah, no.
You would have kept going.
I probably could have kept going.
It's a good thing I invited you in here.
Some musical interlude with Russ More over here.
That's right.
Yeah, sometimes they really work
and sometimes you rhyme orange.
So you get what you get.
So goes.
Today it was a good one.
Hello everybody.
Welcome to the middle.
Thank you for being here.
How are you?
I'm good.
Good, good, good.
I'm glad.
I wasn't sure if you were asking me,
but I wanted, there was a pause.
Well, it's a pause for you to enter
or for the listener to impart wisdom upon us.
But while we're waiting for that,
the wisdom that you're gonna send to us,
obviously through osmosis,
we could tell you about the great live shows
that we've got for our patrons.
Oh my goodness.
At Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Okay, so our next live show is in September,
which is awesome.
And it's the 26th.
It's a Tuesday, cause it always is.
Yeah.
And gotta be one of our patron people.
Yes.
Yeah, it is an exclusive thing
that we're doing for our patrons this year.
Once every quarter, you get to come to a live show
when you're a part of the community.
And if you sign up now, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon
cast, you get a seven day free trial.
While you're waiting for that next live show,
we have several live shows up there.
The video rewatches of the one we did with Kristen
that was lost to time because technology,
like the video still exists, but the audio does not.
So just be aware of that.
Yeah.
Well, the audio on the video exists,
but the audio to release later, you know what I mean.
Yep.
And then the one we just did,
which has not been released anywhere publicly yet,
which was an absolute blast,
was just the four of us and our great, great patrons.
And what happened in it?
God, I don't know.
The podcast amnesia is hard,
but all I know is that I always laugh so much
because our patrons are so funny.
And they are great on the rewatch,
but they are more great.
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You stroll into the torture chamber
and Vorunax, describe to me this torture chamber
as it's set up before you.
So it's kind of a mutable situation
where you think of what you need
or how you wanna go about it,
doing the deed of what happens in this room.
And it just kind of like
amorphizes out of the walls and floor and ceiling.
So really, whenever you walk in,
the first person to walk in,
it kind of instantly goes to what's first on their mind.
So as Vorunax leads into the room,
it is set up with a nice couch
and a table with some tea prepared and everything.
And as soon as he sees it, he goes,
oh, normal settings to hang with people.
It looks like you're about to get comfy,
have a little situation in here.
It looks like I'm about to host a party
and I didn't know.
Did people RSVP?
I fucking hope not.
No, this is not,
somebody else think of something quick
because I'm thinking of my own torture at this point.
It turns into a kitchen
and there's pancake batter everywhere.
This is amenable.
Who's is this?
So how do we get Night Hunter in here?
We just gotta think?
Well, I mean, I think you do
because this is your whole scene, I'm assuming,
with the pancakes and-
Well, we just gotta whip up some batter
then get those gears a turning.
All right, so somebody pass me the flour.
Oh, God, does he have to make the pancakes
in order to get Night Hunter?
No.
You don't need to make the-
This is my dream state that you've given me.
That you need Night Hunter.
Pour the milk.
I mean, time's kind of of the essence,
so I feel like-
Wow, this is torture.
Oh, no.
No, it's okay.
We got the milk, we got the eggs,
we got the blueberries, we got the little bit of love.
Okay, so take all that, put all that together.
Here's the milk.
It goes into every batch.
It's a process, Farnox, it's a process.
You put me here and now we're dealing with it.
You know, you have been in this position
more than anybody else.
I think it is only right that you lead.
Have your recompense upon this blasted room
that has seen you die innumerable amount of times.
So many.
Make us a pancake Night Hunter.
Okay, I'm gonna put it in the piping bag.
Make it real nice.
He starts doing the pancake art on the griddle
as you're in the shape of Night Hunter.
So you put the outline first, of course,
so that it blackens up a little more
and then he fills it in.
And he's making this life-size.
And as he-
Oh, you got the body flipper?
Yes, we have the body flipper.
It's gonna take a couple of good hands here.
Hey, Flindy Borty.
I don't know who you are anymore.
It doesn't matter.
Come give us a hand.
Okay, ready?
Three, two, one, go!
Pancake flops down and you see the perfect design
and Night Hunter begins to appear up and out
of this pancake.
What the fuck are we making?
I'm not entirely sure.
Is it kind of like when you lay someone's clothes out
and then all of a sudden it fills with their body?
Exactly like that.
It's like the scene from Beetlejuice
where Alec Baldwin and they get summoned up
through the clothes.
I was kind of picturing the Ace Ventura
out of the Rhino.
Yeah, that's what it is, yeah.
So it's a pancake Night Hunter giving birth
to a Night Hunter?
Giving birth to a Night Hunter, yeah.
That's high concept stuff we're doing here, you guys.
Really breaking new ground is every day.
And up out of this Night Hunter loin
comes a new Night Hunter.
Everyone is uncomfortable.
We will be talking to H.R. later.
Never say loin again.
It's too late, I already did.
People can just hit skip back
and I will just keep saying it
over and over and over again.
Oh no, that's horrible.
Comes not just a new Night Hunter,
the Night Hunter out of whatever cell
she was being held in.
Hey, we did it.
Grancis, you did it.
I mean, I gotta give him credit.
His methods are unorthodox,
but they work.
Makes the dream work, oh boy.
That's right.
Elia?
Where is Elia?
Oh, it's the, it's who, or Night Hunter was talking to.
Yes, she was in cell with me.
Now I see all you, hello.
I hope that your time here has been very nice.
But Elia was with me, has anybody seen her?
Who?
Yeah, I mean, Elia hasn't been with you.
Yeah, she stayed back in Mastika.
She, yeah, she was in Mastika, remember,
in Fatton, and then you came through the portal to...
I remember that, but then she was there inside my cell.
We were talking, and,
and, you know, I just kind of, it was quiet.
It was kind of nice, frankly.
What happened to Arn?
Night Hunter?
Yes.
You were under the machinations of Orcus's torture.
Unfortunately, it drew upon something or someone
that you desire to be with, and use that against you.
The person you spoke to was not there.
But it was not torture, it was, it was nice.
I have not seen Elia since I left.
And, and it was, it was good, I don't know.
It may not seem like torture in the moment,
but there's a sick pleasure being drawn
from the facade that you were going through.
Well, I do not like that.
I do not like being tricked.
However, it was very unreal.
I'm not sure what to think.
Perhaps we can go back to Mastika,
and I see if Elia is still there.
I think that sounds like a plan.
There's the rumble in the ground beneath you
is intensifying.
All of the utensils within this kitchen
are shaking and falling off the walls.
Batter is being thrown everywhere.
Cupboards are being, are dropping
and shattering on the ground.
I didn't make that happen.
I think we gotta, I think we gotta get moving back
to back up to the room.
Yeah.
Yeah, we do.
You said that we had an unlimited amount of Grancises?
Yeah, I mean, there's a whole Grancis wing.
Well, our original goal was to get to the prison
and set free the prisoners
because they probably hate on Orcus
as much as we do or possibly more
because the, I don't know how many of us are here anymore,
but we're not gonna be enough.
I'm not trying to be a downer.
No, that's a, so you guys headed to the prison
because you wanted to free the prisoners
to like rally them to our cause of goodness.
Absolutely.
Yeah, we gotta boost our numbers.
Oh, I love that.
What if, what if, whatever.
Okay, hold on.
What if you all go slow him down as much as you can
and I summon all the Grancises and they file out here,
all the ones that are alive.
I don't think the ones that are dead are gonna help us.
Summon all the alive Grancises and file out,
kind of like that scene in Fantasia
where all the broomsticks are coming
and pulling all the.
Can you stop and get a Demogorgon or two?
Oh, I think there's only one of those,
but I will grab one.
Okay. Yeah.
It seemed pissed.
Yeah, no, I think we tried to avoid that wing, right?
Right there, Bort?
Yeah.
But you know, times are tough.
That's fine, maybe old Demogorgon's got something to say.
Send one of the other Grancises.
Yeah, yeah, Grancis 1694.
Sure, yeah, that one's an asshole.
He's a real dick.
And I mean, even if the Demogorgon
or the other prisoners don't wanna come help,
I mean, they're just gonna be causing more chaos
for other folks to be dealing with.
So I say. That's right.
Distractions.
Bust everybody out of the prison and.
Okay, okay.
It seems like a good way to make a lot of chaos
and a lot of problems for Orcus, which sounds good.
Sounds perfect.
All right, go slow them down.
I'll bring reinforcements.
For the first time in present and in future
of Arnox's timeline, you see him unclip his key ring
from his side says, Grancis,
show us the meaning of chaos.
And he hands it over to him.
Oh boy.
And we cut to the throne room of Orcus.
And Orcus is standing before this flame in the center
that is just roiling up to the ceiling.
And he's.
He's letting out this yell that's echoing out
the entire room.
And you see Shangalar, his arms are full
of all these skulls.
He's kinda got them stuffed into pockets.
I got them all.
Look at it.
Look at it, I got them all.
He's just, he reaches down and he picks Shangalar up
and the door kicks open.
And all of you are standing there.
You see this scene of Orcus with Shangalar in his hand
with a cluster of who knows how many
of these essence of God skulls.
And he turns and he looks at you
and Shangalar looks at you and says,
you're too late.
You're too late fuckers.
A bright light flashes in the center of Orcus
and Shangalar is blinded and his skin is burning
and bubbling from the radiant damage that he's taking.
And then Orcus takes half, 38 points of damage.
Shangalar's skin is bubbling
and Orcus shields his eyes with the Shangalar hand
and looks down at you and just like this sickening,
you can't see his face beneath the goat's skull.
That's, he uses a mask over top of it
but there's this grin that's beneath him
and he throws Shangalar and all of the essence
of God into his mouth and you hear this sickening crunch
and this energy washes down over him
and Orcus begins to grow.
His skin begins to convulse and pop
and bones stick out and heal themselves
and he steps into this flame that begins
to widen in front of him as it opens this view
into the material plane and we see.
We just came back from there.
And we see an unassuming water deep.
From where you're standing,
you can see through this portal.
From the sides around you,
you hear the movement of all those demonic creatures
as they rush towards it and push you back.
They're pouring out into the world.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
And then you hear as it slows,
you hear like this patting.
At the tapestry beside you on a wall,
far some 50 or 60 feet off into the distance.
You turn and you look as it stands out
more than anything that you're seeing around you.
You hear a small voice come from behind.
The tapestry came from a wall.
So there's no hand.
No, there's no hand.
Oh, the edge of it.
Oh, this is enormous.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, season two, episode 152,
starring Amy More as Thea, Night Hunter, and Sully.
Carla Maxted as Lipsinki,
Tom Laird as Bort and Moot,
with Kyle Claset as Vorunax,
Peter Joseph Lewis as Orcus,
and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Dialogue editing by Carla Maxted,
and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
And a huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok, Cat Waterflame,
Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Craig Zeiss,
Perry Matey, Ongerong Kiersen, LA Branton,
Nathaniel Teeter, Destiny, and Old School Gamer D.
Like the stories that we're putting together?
Of course you do.
You've stuck around to the end of the credits.
Support us today at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast
for amazing bonus content.
Wonderful community, friends.
Did I tell you there's great friends in the community?
But also you get to have a whole lot of fun.
Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragoncast.
We hope to see you over there.
And now, I mean, that's it from me.
So we hope you have a great week
and we'll talk to you soon.
Ooh, I wanna dig my nails into its forearm.
Its nails are growing through your skin
and through your arm as you do so.
I cast, fuck.
Oh, did I click on something?
Yeah, now everything is deleted.
Oh no.
Your character's a blank slate.
Quick, create something, anything.
Get really big muscles so you can win this.
Yeah, now you have long nails going through their skin.
Yes, I fucking do.
I'm going to cast Alter Self on myself
and I'm going to shape change
to those freaky ass long claws
that I see Lip Sinky doing when she goes all primal wild.
And I wanna sink my closet.
I'm not fucking around here.
I yell that.
I'm not fucking around here.
And I wanna grab and I say,
Bort, come on, help, do something.
There were way too many fucking ones in there.
All those ones, baby.
What do you mean baby?
Shut your mouth.
I mean, I'm on your side.
No, you're not.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.